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Love is a feeling turned into art
Love is a very common word that we listen to everywhere, we all believe they know its meaning but in reality few know how to live it and are willing to keep it. Love not only occurs in a relationship, because we also love our parents, brothers, friends, objects and even our pets.
The intention of this book is to emphasize that love is not such an attitude to describe, much less exercise it, because it requires sacrifice, decision, humility, faith and respect, which is one of the reasons why many are not willing to experience To achieve it.
Love is a feeling turned into art, because it requires knowledge and effort. It is not attributed to how many think, that love is won by good works or, it is determined by the chance of destiny and only find it lucky people.
Today, society thinks that love is not indispensable to live, on the contrary, they consider that it is a waste of time or simply an unnecessary feeling, the argument of many is that they do not need to stay with another person to be happy, because They believe self-sufficient and autonomous.
Many people live in a state of conformism without having any knowledge about it, they think they are individualistic and that they have reached various conclusions as a result of their own thoughts and that it simply happens that their ideas are so common to most.
According to the book, it describes this behavior as a pathetic, because there is so much the obsession in wanting to be different and depart from the common thoughts that end up being more similar to others than different, and the situations that they see.
It is also very common to observe that the community cares about satisfying other needs that they consider more important than love, such as money, success, power and prestige, in which we spend our time and effort to achieve it, of the same way we can show interest to seek love.
The first step to learn to love is to have a full awareness that love is an art in the same way that living is also an art. To learn to develop this art you must maintain the same interest as by learning any other art such as music, painting, cinema, etc.,
While, the opposite is demonstrated in these times, as music, books, movies, plays, series and television programs are inevitably treated mainly about the topics of love. These are signs that society is thirsty for love.
It has been proven that people subconsciously seek because of their need to be loved, dedicate all their attention and thought, they intend to become a candidate to "remember" love in an egocentric way and not find a way to give love.
Women focus on seems attractive to facilitate the work of their prospect, use their best clothes, make up and use other beauty techniques, while men generally seek to reveal the success and power that they can reflect in their personality.
Many people have the idea that loving is simple, and they think that the real challenge is to find who to love or someone who loves it, according to the cultural idea of these times.
A very common ´´eror´´ of love is to think that love at first sight is definitive or last Customs, ideals, religions, tastes, and other variables that at first glance cannot be observed can vary.
Therefore, there are many people who end up disappointing love and lose hope of a new experience, so they give up and end up renouncing the possibility of loving again, closing in the idea that love does not works.
Another common mistake is that society in these times relates love to sexual desire, no longer a feeling that requires time, respect, communication and other variables, as Freud mentioned by declaring that love is only the expression of sexual instinct in the human being without considering that it is only a manifestation of need for love and not sexual pleasure as such.
Freud also mentions that everything makes sense based as they satisfy the body as something outside of it. Such is the case of children, Freud said that only what is inside the body is real, the exterior only depending on the needs of the individual.
For this reason the child when he is a little one can manage to perceive that her mother loves him for being, he feels needed and requested by her, because he knows that her mother’s love is unconditional.
At the age of between eight and ten, children begin to change that type of ideal about deserving unconditional love, because it acquires a new feeling in their need to produce love, it is when the child looks for some flower of the garden, poem or some detail for Give your parents, and their reason is transformed from being loved to love and create love.
As the childhood passed, the child becomes young and after overcoming his egocentrism and no longer seeks to meet his needs, he becomes more empathetic, taking importance in considering the needs of other people as their own.
At the beginning it refers to the love of the mother as unconditional and pure, on the other hand the paternal love is more conditional, the father loves his son because he fulfills his expectations (to say so), because he resembles him, or behaves as such, in a nutshell, paternal love must be won by the Son to be obedient and honor his presence.
Therefore, the role of the son begins to want to earn the love and love of the father rather than the mother, because he knows that her love is unconditional for him, just because of the fact of existing and being his son (as mentioned previously).
The mother’s function in the child’s life is to give her security in her life, and that of the father is to be an example for him, so that she can guide him and teach him to look for solutions to face the problems of life in the one born.
The child when facing his matures, must be able to be his own mother and father at the same time, (have maternal and paternal awareness) and maintaining his own ability to love and in turn having a paternal conscience based on his reason and discernment.
Love can not only be given between people, animals and plants, we can also transmit it to objects whose value can be emotional, economic, derived from some recognition, etc. This type of attitude determines the type of relationship of a person with the world as a totality, not as a ´´Objeto´´ Amoroso.
When a person loves only one and does not demonstrate empathy for third parties is not considered a relationship of love, but an expanded selfish relationship. You can even believe that love is measured according to the intensity on which it is indifferent towards others.
The author of the book holds contrary to the above, the idea that when they know how any prejudice.
Fraternal love is the type of love considered the most basic by the author, since all the dedication, affection, respect, responsibility and honesty towards any other person is derived from it. The Bible quotes it in one of his books as: ´´Ama your neighbor as yourself ”.
Fraternal love emphasizes all human beings, to "get the shoes ” of those who suffer or have any need by taking possession of this as if it were their own. Fraternal love is inclined to love not only those who love them but all human beings.
In the opposite case with fraternal and erotic love that are assumed equal, the relationship between child and mother is inequality, in one requires all help and the other provides it. For most mothers love their children when they depend completely on them.
The woman who wants to have children, at the time of conceiving them, are happy only when looking at them or loading them, because without obtaining anything in exchange for their part, just seeing a smile on her face transmits joy, that simple is the simple one is maternal.
On the contrary of fraternal and maternal love is erotic love, this is the exclusive and non -universal love that is the desire for merger or union towards another person. After this stage the person is known in a more intimate way, which can cause a separation between people.
The sexual desire derived from erotic love tends to fusion, it is not only a physical appetite but the relief of a painful tension. Sexual desire can be stimulated by loneliness or vanity and destroy.
When the desire for physical union is not stimulated by love, and if love is not erotic, it never leads to union. That is why sexual attraction produces illusion, but without love as such, union leaves them as simple unknown separately as before. When disappointment disappears they experience stronger separation and can begin to feel hatred or rejection of each other.
It is important to mention that love is a personal, free and totally voluntary decision, because it is a feeling in which a person is not able to control another or herself, therefore, in a commitment it does not matter in themselves who are the people.
All people are different, and erotic love requires some specific individual elements that exist among some beings, but not among all.
Although, the Bible mentions in its Scriptures a new style of love, which is love of itself: ´´Ama your neighbor as yourself ”. It is important to note that some cultures consider erroneous or even sin (according to religions) to think about their own interests that in the needs or desires of others.
I consider that loving myself does not imply any type of selfishness, because we are all human beings, it is what makes us the object of love, therefore a vice cannot be considered. On the other hand, it is understood that respect that people are also required as integrity, love and understanding.
After having considered the complex theory of love, the practice derives, which could be the most difficult for some, apply the art of loving, because not everyone is willing to fight to obtain it.
This is because people look for books with the intention of finding tutorials that teach them to love in a few and simple steps, as if it were a kitchen recipe. The steps to get love, require their own effort and will, because it is a personal experience.
If love is contemplated as it is initially compared to an art, we can realize that as any other area requires discipline, not always looking for the appropriate moment, if not try in an unconditional way to avoid turning it into a hobby.
Giving importance and priority to the art you want to master is indispensable for an apprentice to achieve their goal, also require sacrifices such as arouse early, not getting carried away by unnecessary luxuries and working hard.
The concentration allows a better approach to the objective, it can be difficult but can be overcome, there are techniques to improve concentration such as learning to be alone without reading, listen to radio, smoking or drinking.
Likewise, the ability to concentrate on love is required. If a person needs to be with another because he cannot sustain himself for himself, there is no love in the relationship, but dependence.
The ability a person has to be alone is considered the same ability to love. It is not easy, because anguish, sadness and discomfort can get to hurt.
Learning to concentrate requires avoiding trivial conversations and bad companies. The bad companies, who are not only toxic or poisonous people, but those people who have no aspirations or expectations in life and that can only spoil that of others.
The concentration also covers the need to think one day at the same time, living the present and not in the following tasks of tomorrow while others are in process, since the objective can be lost and the initial performance in the present task is lost.
The improvement of concentration can never be achieved if patience is not applied, if one does not know everything at the time and begins to force things or situation, it will never concentrate.
What he calls the love of God religiously is from the psychological point of view of a similar nature with the separative experience and union. Love of God has many different qualities such as love for man.
In most theistic religions, God represents the supreme value, the most desirable good. Therefore it depends on the most desirable good for a certain person.
To understand the concept of the existence of a God must begin first in a previous analysis of the characteristic structure of a person who loves God.
Man today continues to be characterized in the beginning of human history using primitive links, therefore he feels identified with the link of animals and trees that tries to achieve unity being part of the natural kingdom
In a stage after the evolution where human ability has developed until reaching that of the craftsman or the artist, and that man no longer totally needs the gifts of nature transforms his own hand of his own hand into a god.
´´The society must be organized in such a way that the social and loving nature of man is not separated from his social existence, if not he joins it ”. Love is the only response to the problem of human existence. "To have faith in the possibility of love as a social phenomenon and not only exceptional and individual, is to have a rational faith based on the understanding of the very nature of man ”.
In my opinion, the style of love that starts each and every one is the maternal, because it is where you learn to love ourselves with all innocence, without belittling anyone. It is when we think that if we were as children we would learn to forgive, that although the book does not mention, I consider the greatest sacrifice of love.
I also think that the ´´Eamor to myself´´ is fundamental in love towards others, because we cannot give what we do not have. If there is no respect, value, happiness, integrity and patience to ourselves we cannot offer anyone else.
To talk about love as an art seems to me a good comparison, because today society demands love, but they are not willing to give it, they do not even know the meaning of love, because they believe that the people who have found it have the gift of the luck.
- Fromm Erich (2019), the art of loving. PSIKOLIBRO