How the divorce affects my daughters
Introduction
For 10 months I separated from my partner. One can understand and accept many things for children, but it is also true that you need to have mental health, not only for one, but to be in the best conditions for them. One of the things that worries me the most is how my daughters take this separation, they are 5 and 3 years old respectively. They have been spectacular daughters and their attachment with me has been so special, that I still do not usually have them every day by my side. In fact, it is that day to day he lived with them, what strange the most strange from the separation with his mother.
Developing
Now to complete, we already enter the stage where after the agreements for the enjoyment of the girls, suddenly, without any reason for force, I change my weekends with them. That moment arrived, where it seems that now try to become bad with my daughters is the goal.
Give. It is impressive to meet statistics like these: divorce figures are very important. In Spain it grows and goes to 30% on marriages celebrated. In the US. UU. It is above 40% down the last years. It is a phenomenon that is being given, at least, in the western world.
From the same electronic source we find that:
Other data indicate that in Spain more than 90% claim to be satisfied with their family relationships. How are these statements of satisfaction with the growing figures of separations that reach 30% of those who marry annually? First because in the family there is not only the couple, but also the children, who are an important factor in happiness. Children are a powerful reason to be well as a family and not to separate. On the other hand, it is possible that 10% not satisfied is those who give 30% of divorces.
I discover that I will not be the only one and the last person who maintained his marriage for the reason to keep the family. Sometimes the sacrifices are worth it and will be our children when they are right of what surrounds them, who in the end will appreciate what was done for and for them.
I was concerned to know what experts say about what is going through the minds of children according to their ages, in the face of a situation of separation of their parents:
Three to five years:
- They expect their parents to reconcile over time and sometimes they can believe guilty of the separation of their parents.
- They feel that the father who left, did it for something they did.
- Fear of situations that did not fear. Fear of being alone
- Fear of rejection.
- Imagine that the father who does not see it anymore.
- Situations of the imagination of his age not to face the real situation.
- Anger and rage not typical of their behaviors
- Record situations already overcome for their age, such as urinating in bed, speaking in a more childish voice to that of his age and behaving badly.
I have lived with my daughters these characteristics in these few months that have passed, even the little girl demonstrates it as sadly as her sister. You feel to collapse, you always dreamed that you were married only once to have your family all your life, but we are in a society, where now it seems a fashion all this kind of things that undermine family stability in all its forms. It remains to think if new couples make the wrong decision to marry or live with someone, without being fully prepared for that.
For this stage that I am living with my daughters, the recommendations are:
Demonstrate children with facts and words to them and love.
Commitment from the absent father, to see them regularly, make them see that they are not guilty of separation. How mom and dad did the best for that will not happen. Do not speak badly of the other father in their presence. Listen active with children before everything they say. They need to feel heard and pay attention. Do not use them to know what the other father does. Do not use them as excuses to generate fights and that they see and feel such a situation
conclusion
Explain the advantages of the situation. Now two houses, visiting the father who is not in the house, exit with the parents together when they can and separated in most times. Perhaps there each father will strive to give a better treatment to the children, and a healthy competition is created, for the benefit of the children.
I know that just this is the beginning, but to face the changes that my daughters can experience in this long separation process must be my main motivation. Document the experience in this wonderful network, in order to help others to understand what happens to our children, since they will be the eternal affected that their parents are no longer together.
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