Family conflicts and self – esteem development
In family relationships as well as in all relationships, the conflict is something natural and quite recurring, but unlike other conflicts this is potentially destructive or help for personal and family growth. Since children we receive bases for our self – esteem from the family nucleus, with cemented relationships not only internal or external, strengthening our individual personality and security.
This essay is not only about family conflicts, their origin or genesis, but about the consequences that this can cause to family members if it is not resolved in an appropriate way, it is relevant to mention that these consequences can be positive or negative. Starting from which the first milestone relationship is the family and therefore is the most important, allowing the self – esteem of its members to develop. In the family we create identity, we can know who we are and forge character.
But what is the family? According to the guidelines for the inclusion and attention of the families of the ICBF (2018), “the family is an ecosystem unit of survival and construction of destination solidarity, through everyday rituals, myths and ideas about life, in the interplay of the evolutionary cycles of all family members in their sociocultural context ”.
In other words, the family is a social group, it is the basis of every society, where values are learned and the development of society is constituted. Years ago the meaning of the family was understood as that integrated by the mother, the father and the children, this sense has become broader, being so broad that many are limited only to calling them as the group of people with whom we feelprotected, loved and happy.
Entering more on the subject, throughout our lives we frontconsequences would be from discomfort among its members, to the disintegration of the family nucleus. The conflict is part of everyday life and is more tensive when we talk about coexistence. Talking a family where there is no conflict is impossible, through it, if it is managed in the best way, we can not only grow but develop new and better techniques to relate.
Of all existing conflicts, relatives are the most common and are the ones who usually leave the greatest wake up, not only to the people who are in the conflict, but all the family are integrated and in some cases third parties (friends). There are few families that take the resolution of the conflict as something serious and important.
The link created within the family nucleus allows necessary to have tools that allow us to have positive or negative relationships;That is, nothing like people we have closer to build or destroy us. The closeness and the ties developed within the family make these conflicts more intense.
The family is the Chinese of socialization, allowing children to develop not only their personality but their self – esteem. Feeling valued and protected is essential for a development of healthy self – esteem, through healthy experiences. Many parents have as a maximum concern education, leaving in the background the importance of their children trust themselves, to learn to cope with problems without their self – esteem being damaged deeply and know what their strong and virtues are.
The appearance of a family problem, most of the time it brings affective changes or that threaten family balance and stability. The reasons of family crises are as varied and as wide as families themselves, these poorly managed problems directly have their children and are sometimes taken to take responsibilities in times where they are not prepared for it. When a child stops acting as such, he begins to feel overwhelmed and strives so much to meet the needs of his parents that forgets his own needs, repressing sorrows and causing depression.
Conflicts and constant problems within the family nucleus, can end up causing emotional and behavioral problems in children, affecting not only the learning process, but their self – esteem and the way it relates to their environment. However, not all children are affected in the same way even if they are subjected to similar circumstances.
The discussions and conflicts of the parents suppose stress in the children, influencing them considerably. Regardless of age, children are able to perceive what is happening around them, since they are also able to understand and understand nonverbal language. If we talk about the consequences for those children who are exposed to situations of badly managed conflicts, we have that these can be long and short term.
In the short term, we have to feel insecure and fears arise from a possible separation of their parents. Anxiety or feeling of guilt can also appear at this stage. In the long term, it is when the consequences are accentuated at the behavioral, behavioral and emotional level, on the other hand it is also very feasible to begin to notice low self – esteem features. Everything has a common source, emotional problems, added to the inability to express and manage emotions to adapt to an environment in a positive way.
When children are constantly exposed to conflicts and stress, with the mismanagement of conflicts in parts of their parents, they learn in these possible future behaviors in the face of circumstances that can become the same for them. Children learn through observation, which is why they usually repeat behaviors that experience and observe within their family environment.
In this essay, we will touch a little more long -term consequence caused by the exhibitions to conflict situations, this is self – esteem, described as the valuation that a subject does about himself, according to relationships and their experiences, there are several factors that influence the development of self – esteem, being family relationships one of the most important, where not only behaviors are acquired, but also thoughts, ideals, skills and attitudes relevant to personal development as an individual.
self – esteem is forged during the first years of life and is varying during growth. The family directly affects our self – esteem. self – esteem begins to build from childhood because it is where we take our first steps to forge the personality, founded on the messages and behaviors that we receive in our environment;For example, if we maintain a high self – esteem, the feeling of capacity, self – esteem and self-confidence, transmits us the confidence of doing everything we set out. On the other hand, if we maintain low self – esteem, it is possible that the feelings with which we are familiar to be insecurity, lack of acceptance or negativity, this applies to all areas of our life.
The way to handle the conflict within the family group can have two types of influence:
- Unstable families: in this type of families the limits are not clear, there is difficulty in expressing their emotions and feelings, predominantly the reproach within its members. One of the main characteristics is to issue contradictory or negative messages to children. Taking this situation as the consequence that drags adult life, it is likely to have an insecure adult, unable to face consequences and solve everyday problems satisfactorily, tend to be dependent and unable to maintain a healthy relationship, bringing the situations lived within thefamily to your daily life.
- Stable families: they are able to provide emotional, physical and mental stability to the child. In these families there is the possibility of expressing the disagreements, dislikes and emotions, teaching to use and manage emotional intelligence. Creating solid ties in the child and strengthening their self – esteem, preparing them for a healthy adult life.
It is necessary to encourage the self – esteem of our children, creating a healthy and quiet family atmosphere, where the child feels loved and respected. It is vital that you learn to trust your skills, that you are aware that what you do well and what does wrong and that it works in it in a healthy way. From the bosom of your home you must have a realistic perspective in terms of their possibilities and guide the child, giving small responsibilities and placing objectives that are within their reach.
What the child estimates himself, is something that is not born with him, is forged with the passing of the years and the circumstances that surround him, especially with the language he surrounds. The child internalizes and makes his own conclusions of who he is. Parents are models in the life of children, influenced by emotional reactions and mainly the way they will face the world. Parents with low self – esteem or mismanagement of family conflicts can negatively affect their child.
The development of our self – esteem in our childhood is basically influenced by three factors: physical aspects, our behavior and our academic performance. The way these factors are handled during childhood by our parents can have negative or positive effects on our lives;That is, just as it can bring security, trust, it can bring helplessness, insecurity and fears.
The family as we have mentioned above, influences the development of our self – esteem, but it is also true that not everything that happens to us in the step must determine who we are. In our hands is the possibility of recovering a childhood of deficiencies and conflicts, to fill it with maturity and security. self – esteem works every day, work hard, exit and give yourself a lot of self – esteem. We are always in time to invest in our self – esteem.
To prevent children from becoming victims of this type of conflict, the father’s behavior must always be safe the happiness, stability and well -being of their children. Next we will provide some recommendations for the negative impact on children to be as much as possible:
- There are issues that cannot be touched in front of children, it is better to avoid them
- The other father should not be unauthorized.
- If there is the situation that parents argue in front of the children, it is important that when there is reconciliation, children are also part of this. Thus without damaging the child’s self – esteem, parents can also be wrong, but above all it is important to recognize the error.
- It is not allowed to generalize, here we have the famous "is that always"
- Express feelings and emotions in a healthy way, it is not necessary to shout or raise the tone of the voice.
- Try to maintain constructive views, it’s not about looking guilty, but solutions.
- Silence should be avoided, the problems are not fixed alone, it is necessary to choose the best time to speak.
- Assertive communication, respecting and recognizing the view points of the other even when they are different.
- It is important that every day there is a sacred family moment, the moment of dialogue, of listening without being judged and expressing yourself with love,
To conclude, we have that while it is true that discussions are inevitable within the family level and that at any time they can occur, they can also be regulated to cause the least negative impact on the life of children. The beneficial and healthy to be able to teach the children with the example through the difference and the conflict that is presented within the family nucleus.
Fear and insecurity are the feelings surrounding your child when you as an adult cannot resolve a family conflict properly. Uncertainty is displaced by low self – esteem in the same way the decrease in trust they have towards their parents. The longer the child’s exposure to a hostile environment, the greater the difficulty of children to regulate and express their emotions, abandonment and fear predominate, causing a greater risk of presenting anxiety and low self – esteem.
Constantly witness conflict within their family nucleus, considerably affects the child’s ability to manage his emotions, based on the fact that emotional intelligence is based on the ability we have to identify and express our emotions. Children who grow emotionally healthy, are because they have learned to live life from their own experience, accompanied by the protection and care of the elderly, respect is a fundamental part in the life of children. Conflict resolution and confrontation of conflicts properly from the example, allows emotionally healthy children.
When children become adolescents and later adults, it will be he who decides who is truly, but good bases will be the best game.
Bibliography
- Bernabeu, e. Family problems. Retrieved on August 16, 2019 from http: // news.psykia.com/content/conflicts-family
- ICBF. (2013). Childhood: the protective environment of our Colombian children and adolescents. Retrieved on August 17, 2019 from https: // www.ICBF.GOV.CO/SITES/DEFAULT/FILES/PUBLICATION-47-A.PDF
- Pavlina, s. (2006). Understanding Family Relationship Problems.
- Sánchez, a. (2018). Child self – esteem – development of self – esteem in children. Retrieved on August 16, 2019 from https: // www.Educapeques.com/School-of-Padres/la-auto-aestima-infantil-indispensable-in-the-development-of-ninos.HTML
- Transobares, m. (2002). How to improve your self – esteem: Change life and your personal relationships with self – esteem. Spain. Ambar Ocean.
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