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Classification of violence in the courtship stage
This work is raised with an informative eagerness, with the main objective of making a review of the different variables that have been associated with the violence committed and suffered in the courtship relationship.
Therefore, violence has been defined as an action where the offense is justified, the abuse of someone, can be of physical or psychological coercion that can lead to corrupt the will and force it to execute an unwanted act.
Around relationships, allusion to any action or omission is referred to so much emotional and physically to have a control or domain of their partner. Violence is not an exclusive behavior of men because there are women who also practice them through emotional and psychological manipulation, as well as taking into account that many use physical aggression.
In many cases it is normal for the beginning of the courtship to be in mind that, “the violence in this has been defined as that where acts occur that have as its intention to hurt or general any damage to the couple, in the context of a relationship in a relationship inthe one that exists attraction and in which two members leave together ”(Close, 2005);since "courtships can be classified as a normative experience that can lay the foundations for intimate relationships of adults" (Furman, Simon, Shaffer and Bouchey, 2002).
In adolescence, stage of awakening and experimentation in emotional relationships, it is a crucial period to educate in values of equality between women and men and prevent the establishment of relations of violence. Wedding relationships, which involve learning the relationship modes that will be developed throughout life, are not exempt from violence.
In many cases it is normal to begin at the beginning of the courtship and remain silent with the possibility that this will change, when in reality the opposite happens. First the psychological aggressions will appear, then the physical and finally the sexual ones, it is also clear to take into account that these situations can occur in any social stratum.
Because all people have had relationships, or we have witnessed these relationships, and our experiences (positive or negative), our way of perceiving those relationships, our ideology about how an affective relationship should be, our prejudices on typical behaviorsof women and men in relationships, our desires and our personal beliefs, permeate "intimacy", "personalism" and subjectivity therefore, our perception of reality. Thus, we think of a social problem when we reflect on gender violence in absolute and objective terms.
According to an investigation that was carried out at the National Institute of Legal Medicine of Forensic Sciences in 2014, of the 48.849 Cases of violence against the couple, the woman was the main victim (85% of the reports) the population that would be more frequently in the exercise of violence data was between 15 and 29 years (52%Of the cases) the greatest aggressors, without distinction of gender, were the permanent companions, former permanent companions, husbands, boyfriend and ex -boyfriends;Finally, the main reasons detected to carry out these acts of violence were intolerance, jealousy, drug addiction and alcoholism (2015, Pepe, 29-213).
Other studies reveal that having friends or acquaintances who have been victims or perpetrators of such violence, who accept violence in the relationship, even having been a victim of violence by a couple or a member of their family, couldrelate to accepting and/or exercising ill-treatment in their courtships (Matud, 2007; O’Kefee, 1997; Price and Byers, 1999; Rey-Anacona, 2008). In this order of ideas, a longitudinal study, conducted by Williams, Connonelly, Pepler, Craig and Laporte (2008), evidence that, although some adolescents can terminate a relationship where behavior of ill -treatment has been presented, they tend to repeat thesame behavior patterns in their new love relationships, due to few problems for solving and the choice of couple. The research carried out by Weisz, Tolman, Callahan, Saunders and Black (2007) showed that adolescents speak more frequently with their friends about violence in their love relationships or about romantic relationship problems, reducing the probability of seeking professional helptimely.
An important aspect to assess, in addition to the figures or statistics, and the perceptions that we have about the way in which young people are related, it is precisely to take into account how gender violence perceives the youth itself. In this sense, it is important to highlight a series of aspects that have to do with the evolutionary stage of adolescence, which is characterized by being a period of acquisition of personal identity. Aspects that are influential keys in the way in which girls and boys perceive these situations and that must be valued both when designing interventions aimed at adolescence, and when understanding the circumstances in which they relate.
Teenagers are beginning their first couple relationships, testing and experiencing new feelings and new frustrations, exploring novel and pleasant emotions and trying to answer thousands of questions that have a common link: “Is it normal that…?
Personal indecisions. It is not difficult, therefore, to understand that this influence especially affects adolescents in their process of knowledge and discovery of relationships, and that this can lead them to accept as normal behaviors or experiences of control or domain by their partners,justified by the passionate feeling of love. In this way, an excessively romantic vision of love can contribute to young people to build an suffocating relationship (I love you -only for me) and that the control that is exercised on the couple is justified by the love feeling (González and Santana, 2001).
Young people go to the point of inappropriate information: "Without any vital experience and with the same needs and false beliefs of the aggressor and the victim, they can hardly contain and less guide and understand what happens" (mere lliebre, 2003).
Those treated by gender violence state that abuse had already begun during his courtship. Incidents that were not considered important at the time, or that were tolerated "for love" (Ferreira, 1992), become the passage of time in normalized routines, but a good part begin to make brief appearances from the same beginning of the relationship.
We will review the different types of violence and analyze the keys to know how to identify the different facets;The objective of this is to make the task of recognizing behavior patterns easier. Violence is not always easy to identify since we have it very normalized and under certain ways of expressing itself it can go unnoticed or formed as something that is "expected".
The different types of violence usually start from two factors the way in which violence and subject or subjects are exercised;These influence physical, sexual, psychological and economic abuse, this violence manifests when there are behavior patterns that a person uses to gain power and exercise control over their partner, each type of violence has its particular characteristics.
Generally the abuse in couples presents the following stages:
- In the first stage the aggressor constantly becomes tense, this accumulates, grows until he insults and reproaches.
- In the second stage the perpetrator proceeds to emotional and physical aggression.
- In the third stage the aggressor seeks reconciliation, shows repentance and claims to change attitude.
When this situation occurs more than once or the couple has moments of aggression for no reason violence is more than evident.
In the classification, 4 types of violence can be evidenced.
- PHYSICAL VIOLENCE: These are acts of intentional attacks in which any part of the body is used, object in order to retain, immobilize and cause damage to the physical integrity of the person, so that the domain of the victim is achieved. Lessons can be mild until death cause. Any act aimed at the body of the person, which produces damage or pain on it (blows, kicks, slapping, pinching, strangulation attempt, etc.).
- PSYCHOLOGICAL VIOLENCE: It can be related to verbal violence, it manifests itself through strong words that hurt the person, punishments, humiliations, screams and insults. You can also use a frightening towards the victim by means of threats whether direct or indirect from the aggressor. Any action addressed to: a) control, restrict movements or monitor the other person;b) socially isolate it;c) devalue it, denigrate it, humiliate it or make it feel bad about itself;d) Make others get against it, falsely accuse her or blame her for negative circumstances;e) Force it to go against the law or the moral and / or religious beliefs of it or f) destroy her confidence or in the couple.
Passive violence is that psychological violence that produces omission damage, that is, if active violence produces damage with the behavior made, passive violence produces it with what is not done. Ignoring a person, not demonstrating affection, not paying attention, not directing the word, despite not being active behavior, it produces in the person who receives a message: “You are not important to me, you do not worry me, do notIt is worth or address the word ".
In 2007, from the Women’s Service of the Deusto – San Ignacio Psychosocial Module, and under the direction of the Sortzen Consulting, a research team was formed to thoroughly study the problem of gender violence during theteenage courtship (Cantera, Estébanez, Vázquez, 2009a). From the review of the studies, experiences and knowledge existing until that date two improvement areas were detected in which the investigation was focused. The first aspect to study more deeply had to do with the concept of psychological violence. The study of psychological violence had not received as much attention as that of the physical manifestations of violence, mainly due to the difficulties involved in its definition and the subjective characteristic of its perception. However, most of the studies showed that it was common to find in adolescent couples multiple behaviors that have to do with the psychological aspects of violence, so we decided to focus research on trying to define and quantify those most frequent behaviors in theteenage courtship. The next aspect that focused on the study was to evaluate a concept that was difficult for us but interesting: the perception of this violence by young girls. Several studies confirmed that it was the group of girls in which there were frequently difficulties and biases of perception regarding the violence they received in their partner;And this effect was not in all the boys. The boys, according to their gender role, probably have more ease to perceive when they are being controlled by their partner, or have a greater capacity to make decisions or establish limits in their relationship. Both aspects, on the other hand, generate difficulties among the girls, also according to their gender role (girls must endure, understand, to tolerate, help to change … and from there you get to confuse, accept and forgive), for whatthat the decision of the research team was to investigate the perception that young girls have of the psychological violence received in their wedding relationships. Fruit of this research was born a scale to evaluate the perception of psychological violence by girls. The neighbor scale was an instrument with high reliability and statistical validity, in order to be used by any professional and in different environments. While the instrument was designed for evaluation, it can be used as an educational or preventive instrument, so that girls begin to explain their opinions and reflections regarding the list of behaviors included in the same. The neighbor scale includes 25 manifestations of various types of psychological violence, which were defined from the theoretical review.
The categories of violence more easily perceived by the girls had to do with the behaviors of threat, isolation, humiliation, and pressure or sexual negligence. The attitudes of disqualification and control were perceived in a low way, but those that really meant a much more difficult exercise had to do with jealousy, affective indifference, emotional manipulation or harassment.
- Verbal violence: emerges in public, with shouts, lies, insults, degrading comments, burleos, accusations and blackmail.
- Sexual violence: the most frequent is called trusted violation, it happens when the couple is forced to have sexual activity dare of insinuations, blackmail. Any obligatory act, not consented to by the victim, aimed at satisfying sexual needs or desires of the victimizer.
- Emotional violence: any act of verbal or nonverbal nature that intentionally causes a reaction of anxiety, fear or fear, such as intimidation and threats;Includes acts of violence aimed at a family member or an acquaintance of the victim, to her or towards the aggressor himself, made with the same purpose.
- ECONOMIC VIOLENCE: Forcing the other person to depend economically on the aggressor, not letting her work or by other means;Exercise control over the victim’s financial resources or exploit it economically.
- Negligence. Do not provide (or not do it properly) financial or material resources, information or services to the couple, although the aggressor is legally obliged to do so;Do not provide economic or material help to the couple when it needed it and the perpetrator was able to do it or not to warn the couple about any danger to their physical or psychological integrity (King-Anacona et al., 2010, p. 171).
“The central cause of violence in courtship is the social construction in which we live, which starts from a macho and patriarchal look, family, religion, the media, the school, the social environment in which we develop,It is responsible for producing and spreading it ”(Ángello Baños Terrazas, coordinator of the Equity in Children and Youth of Immujeres)
Some of the causes are:
- Violence in childhood by parents or third parties
- Misunderstanding of parents, loneliness or abandonment
- Inferiority complexes
- There is no other knowledge of ways to solve problems
- Inability to control impulses
- Possible mental disorders
- He wants to dominate everything his partner does and thinks, even his personal arrangement.
- He wants to know everything his partner does at the time he doesn’t meet him.
- He frequently gets angry
- He wants his partner to guess everything he wants and thinks
- Blame your partner of everything bad and the mistakes that happen
- Take the money and objects of your partner and make them
- He does not have a respect for his partner’s intimacy
- He does not look at the qualities of his partner but he always refers to his defects
- Tends to make scandals in public as in private
- Promises to change, but never do
That they can present, after having lived or living violence in courtship, they are:
- Depression that can lead to suicide
- Low self-esteem
- Inability to relate emotionally
- Legal issues
- School failure
- Eating disorders
- Unwanted pregnancies
What I deny does not exist:
The denial of violence is the main argument used by girls to take importance to the seriousness of the psychological violence behaviors that suffer. "If you ignore what it tells you, it is not violence," it is a false belief about its ability to control, in a way similar to "if I don’t see it, it does not exist," which, on the one hand,It does not allow them to face reality, or on the other, defend themselves from the same. One of the ways of denying the violent character of behavior is to change the name and call it in a different way. "That is not violence, it is wrong, but it is not violence";"That is selfish, nonviolence";"That’s a lack of respect". In this way, girls self-find that what happens does not have excessive importance, that their relationship is normal, that, in short, psychological violence only has the importance of giving them. Thus, violence is subjective, leaving it to the criteria of each one, forgetting that the behavior implies objective damage, even if it is emotional, that it is still existed by calling it otherwise, to think that it is not so important or believe that it is anuisance. Making an analogy with physical violence, a punch would not stop being a punch for call. In the same way, a threat is still threat to pretend to deny it.
Couples should receive psychological assistance, in case the perpetrator is recommended, it is advisable to end the relationship, denounce the aggressor, it is also important that in any case there a family support, aware of the problem in homes in homesIt is very important for the recovery of both the victimizer and the aggressor since the problem is likely to appear in the parents.
All teenagers should be educated about what healthy relationships are. With the objective that most can understand and identify the healthy and insane relationships they have in their lives, as well as communication forms, conflict resolution techniques and strategies to avoid or end insane relationships.
Interventions can also be carried out in certain people who are in an environment or who seem to be at risk of developing this type of relationship.
Since physical violence usually appears during the conflict, interventions should focus on communication skills and conflict resolution within the framework of sentimental relationships
Violence in courtship occurs within relationships and needs to be understood in that context. Antiviolence campaigns should focus on how intimidation by one of the couple’s members can result in violence and give them tools to face the conflict effectively and avoid violent behaviors. Those campaigns that only focus on condemning the perpetrators of violence are less effective.
We must assume that many times, even if we ask directly about the existence of violence, they will hide it. That is why we can give you information about this type of violence and say that we are there in any time need our help.
Also know the symptoms of violent people during the courtship and their nexus with depression, violence, physical, psychological and sexual, among couples of adolescents, adults, young people living in free union, there are many versions of violence during the courtship, (DatingViolence) is defined as any intentional attack of a sexual, physical or psychic type from one member to another, so this study is intended to obtain deeper knowledge and understanding about this problem in the adolescent and young population.
Examining their behaviors, variables and relationship with socio -economic status, age, their relationship with childhood, the time of the relationship, tolerance to frustration and existence.
In conclusion, all adolescents have the right to maintain healthy relationships to ensure their well -being, whether physical or emotional. Violence in courtship affects young people and can have long -term physical and psychological effects. Providing the young communication and conflict resolution strategies, support and resources to avoid or end violent relationships is essential to ensure their well -being. While some underlying risk factors such as poverty, violence as a social normal should be taken into account to end violence in courtship.
- (Jorge Arturo Martinez, Cesar Armando Rey, 2012)
- (Sofia Muriel Suarez, 2013)
- (Suay, 2015)
- (Castaño, Estébanez, 2010)
- Castaño, Estébanez. (2010). Adolescent Relations of Control. tabanque, file: /// c:/users/laura/desktop/dialnet-toquierosoloparami-3829792.PDF.
- Jorge Arturo Martinez, Cesar Armando Rey . (2012). Prevention of violence in courtship . Scielo, http: // www.Scielo.org.CO/SCIELO.PHP?script = sci_arttext & pid = s1657-896120140001009.
- Sofia Muriel Suarez, M. A. (2013). Child and Youth Alarming Behaviors . Mexico: Mexican reg. Nope.2906.
- Suay, f. (2015). Factors associated with violence in courtships between adolescents. Elsalvier, https: // mail.Google.com/mail/u/2/?Tab = Wm#Search/Sandra/FMFCGXWBWSTHJJLFWBTXDRFHFBJSSKDF?PROJECTOR = 1 & Messagepartid = 0.two.