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THE ROLES OF LOVE IN HISTORY
Men have to fulfill their role as "Salvador", with the role of the protector of his beloved, with his role as hero, with his role as Valiente, with his role as strong. When a child cries the parents, society, the media tell him "children do not cry", children are strong. If a child listens to this throughout his life, he will realize that this plot, to show his feelings in public, to be vulnerable to others, he is forbidden for them. On the other hand, they are applaud. As Coral Herrera tells us:
One of the main characteristics of the ideology of hegemonic virility is emotional containment;Virile men have to hide their fears and insecurities and always give a hard -type image in whose life the tenderness has no place, at least not in the public sphere. Everything that belongs to the scope of feelings has been classified as "feminine", so men have been educated to continuously hide their vulnerability, not to express their most intimate emotions and to live without emotional tools that sometimes make their relationships very difficultWith fathers, mothers, sons and daughters, friendships, etc.
Personally I consider that this "hegemonic structure of masculinity", as Coral Herrera qualifies in its study, is changing over time, fortunately, but we still have much to work, because we still see in the media as hard men abound, strong and unable to show their feelings. Without going any further, I will refer to the protagonist of the fashion saga of the teenagers that I already commented on the introduction, I am referring to After. This saga is starring a young man named Hardin and represents more or less what we have described in the previous paragraph as hegemonic masculinity but "in modernized, current version".
Under these categories, the supposed naturalness of the superiority of the woman underlies the woman, just as the patriarchy wants to make us believe. Millet speaks of these characteristics in his most famous work:
Sexual policy is the object of approval by virtue of that of both sexes according to the fundamental norms of patriarchy in terms of temperament, paper and social position. The prejudice of male superiority, which receives the general approval, guarantees the male a higher position in society. The temperament is developed in accordance with certain characteristic stereotypes of each sexual category (LA Y), based on the needs and values of the dominant group and dictated by its members based on what they most appreciate in themselves and what mostYou should demand from your subordinates: aggressiveness, intelligence, strength and efficacy, in the male;Passivity, ignorance, and uselessness in the female.
We see, then, with this event as Kate Millet tells us about the socialization that patriarchy imposes on both sexes and according to where we are, let’s be men or women, we will have a fairly different position, of superiority or inferiority, something that our adolescentsThey must understand: the patriarchal nature of our socialization.
And how does man have to live love? How does the patriarchal society tell us that man has to live the feeling of love? How is man socialized on the subject of love? As we can see for the people around us, for the books we read, for the movies we visualize or only for the differences between the songs if they are played by a girl if they are played by a boy, we see that there are big differences at the timeto live love. For man, love, falling in love, is something important, of course, but it will never be his engine, it will never be the center of his universe, he will never understand that he will have to sacrifice part of his existence in the name of that love, there are more things:His work, his success, the recognition of others and not only that of his beloved (because romantic love is committed to heternormativity). The man is socialized to understand that love, even if it is important, must be a secondary theme in his life and is socialized to say that he hates love movies and does not read, under any circumstances, romantic novels;, he is socializedNot to consume as much as romantic products because love is something accessory in your life. As Victoria Ferrer Pérez and Esperanza Bosch claim:
Thus, the achievement of love and its development (falling in love, the relationship, marriage, care of the other …) are still the axis around which the lives of many women turn completely or almost completely, while inThe life of men the priority remains social recognition and, in any case, love or relationship usually occupies a background (remember the priority socialization of women towards the private and that of men towards the public).