Rivalry and affection between brothers
Introduction
The rivalry and affection between brothers is a family issue that especially worries parents. And, there is no doubt that the fraternal relationship is very significant for the individual, either for better or worse. Therefore, a warm and positive link between brothers not only generates an important context for learning and development;but establishes one of the most special and irreplaceable relationships for the individual.
How do you live the rivalry and affection among the brothers in childhood and adolescence? Rivalry between brothers. The family relationship system undoubtedly changes when a brother is born, which directly affects the older brother. With the arrival of the new newborn, the brother can change his behavior of attachment to the parents generally increasing it;and adopt some rivalry towards the new family member. Certainly, breastfeeding is an exhausting stage that affects the mother’s night rest during the first months.
Developing
The mother can be exhausted during breastfeeding, which has an impact on the attention you can dedicate to the older brother;showing less patient with him. Given this response, the child can even increase their demands and get even more demanding. With the arrival of the newborn, the perception of the parents towards the older brother can change: they demand more and, therefore, they punish him more.
Given this, the child begins to feel jealous towards his little brother, to show negative reactions towards parents or express a series of protests: he rejects food, he does not want to go to school, he has vomiting or sleep problems. However, behaviors to the new brother are usually ambivalent. On the one hand, acceptance caresses and, on the other hand, rejection of aggressions.
According to Pedagoga Talía Velasco, this ambivalent character is a reflection of two emotions found: on the one hand, jealousy, and, on the other, the affective link with the brother. Regarding adolescence, the brothers can express conflict even though during childhood they maintained a positive affective relationship. One of the causes that would cause this distancing are related to the search for greater autonomy and intimacy within the family context.
On the other hand, another of the causes of distancing is found in the disparity of interests between the brothers with the arrival in the adolescence of them. Probably, the teenage brother will reject interacting and playing with his little brother, while the latter, with the desire to get his attention, will try to annoy him. Affection between the brothers. Despite the jealousy and rivalries that may arise during childhood, little by little the brothers will forge a special and exclusive relationship;deeply different from that established with parents.
In addition, rivalries during adolescence will disappear if they established solid emotional relationships during childhood. The brothers coexist many hours a day and for a long period of time over the years. Probably, the relationship between brothers is the most durable of all types of emotional relationships;So they will share many moments of joy and pain.
Mary Ainsworth describes a series of analysis of the attachment between brothers: the older brothers offer care similar to those of the mother. The brothers help and comfort in the absence of parents. They are used as an exploration base. Anxiety against short separations decreases if the presence of a brother is available. When the attachment figure is lost, the duel will cope better if a brother is available. Entry into school is more bearable with two brothers together.
The sisters function as security networks in this chaotic world simply for supporting each other. Do parents influence rivalry and affection among the brothers? Nina Howe and Holly Recchia in their research Brothers relationships and their impact on the development of children demonstrated the importance of adults using appropriate strategies for the development of children according to their age.
For them, the strategies used to manage brothers conflicts, will educate themselves in how to get along with others. Among the different parental strategies, Howe and Rechia differentiate between constructive strategies, those that refer to negotiation to resolve conflicts;and destructive strategies, such as the use of strength and aggression. Frequently, and involuntarily, parents influence the rivalry between brothers;such as, when comparisons are made constantly.
conclusion
In this way, the message that the child or adolescent is receiving is that to earn the affection of their parents, they must live up to some standard;And not for being themselves. In turn, the child’s self-concept is damaged and begins to generate resentment towards his brother or sister who seem to meet that standard.
It is known that brothers relationships are a world and that we can find great diversity. From brothers who maintain a strong and positive bond to broken relationships. Parents have the task of educating their children in unconditional love and mutual support between brothers;and thus help establish one of the most wonderful and true affective links that exist.
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