Love from psychology and social psychology
The scientific study of love can be addressed from different theoretical views. In our work we start from a culturalist point of view, understanding that romantic love and love are basically social and cultural constructions, basically universal, although its meaning can vary significantly from one cultural environment to another; that depend significantly on how we socialize; and that in each historical period a different conception of them has prevailed (from the absence, to their current leading role) and the links that must exist between pairing, marriage, love and sex (from an absolute disconnection, to its total identification nowadays).
From social psychology (bleeding, 1993), it is considered that the rules that determine human activity and social behaviors are equally applicable to love, and that this one that can be understood as: an attitude (that is, a positive predisposition or attraction towards Another person, who includes a tendency to think, feel and behave in a certain way towards that person); an emotion (that is, as feeling or passion that also includes certain physiological reactions); or a behavior (that is, the care of the other personar, stay next to her, meet her needs, …).This differentiation (and particularly the consideration of love as an attitude and as emotion) leads to some of the classic typologies of love such as John’s. Read, or Robert J’s best known. Sternberg.
In this context, an especially important issue is the relevance that, since the last century, has been given to romantic love in general, and as the basis of the particular couple. Romantic love is understood that whose prototypical characteristics would be the following: a sudden beginning or love at first sight; the sacrifice for the other; love tests; the fusion with the other; the oblivion of one’s life; Magic expectations, such as finding an absolutely complementary being that can meet all our need and desires (half orange), live in a symbiosis, have one of the other to breathe or move, etc.; the difficulties to conquer the other person or materialize love; the suffering for the absence or the presence of the other person; sublimation or place love above all; the renunciation of one’s desires to place those of the other person ahead; the strength of feelings; the importance of the process of falling in love as an essential and unique key to happiness; And the fear of losing the loved person, closely related to jealousy. In short, the key ideas that define and characterize romantic love include some of the most prominent romantic myths, and romantic myths constitute a set of irrational beliefs and exaggerated and/or difficult expectations to reach, when not directly false, about what It is love and relationship
Love as generated experience
But love is not only a strongly idealized experience (which materializes, as we have just seen, in romantic love and myths of romantic love), it is also a strongly generated experience, so that, through socialization processes Differential, gender mandates would condition the experience and centrality of love and the couple in the lives of women and men .
Thus, according to the female gender mandate (at least in Western societies, and despite the social changes that occurred in recent decades), love is for women waiting, passivity, subordination, submission, care and resignation; and reach and conserve love (fall in love, form a couple, take care of it, live as a couple …) are still the central and basic keys around which female socialization revolves, and a priority backbone axis in the vital project of the vital project of the women.
On the other hand, from the male gender mandate, love has to do more with heroicity and conquest, with achieving impossible, seducing, dominating, breaking norms and resistances, and being independent. In fact, in male socialization, social recognition is still a priority, while achieving love or having the relationship has a more peripheral character and a lower importance.
The role of love as a backbone of the current couple, and its relevance in gender mandates has become the subject of relevant reflection and analysis from a feminist theoretical positioning, which is the one we adopt in this work. As an example, it should be remembered that from feminist analysis such as the one proposed by Anna Jonástic. That is, the patriarchy would manipulate women, educating them to project their highest aspirations in love and dedication to the other, facilitating, with it, that they allocate a disproportionately large amount of their dedication, their efforts and their care at the service of the men, both directly, and through children; And, at the same time, turning romantic love into its ideal of life and the fear of not having a partner in a mechanism that facilitates the reproduction of subordination.
Resuslted
The myth of jealousy in boys and girls is confirmed, ratifying previous studies in this age range, and it is important gender violence, referring to the field of feelings, behaviors of power and domination. They seem to ‘normalize’ abusive behaviors and confuse with signs of love, ratifying studies with broad samples of students. The speeches show, like previous studies, that girls have gone through “socialization processes that reflect the image of jealousy in the mirror of romanticism”.
Interwoven to the myth of jealousy, is the myth of the omnipotence of love. Girl’s speeches reflect that love is enough to solve all problems and to justify all behaviors, and that ‘love can everything’, coinciding with national research, as well as studies in university context. Regarding this belief, investigative expert
Myths are different by gender. Although the myth of jealousy is present in boys and girls, the myth of the omnipotence of love only appears in the speeches of the girls. It should be noted that only in the nursing students appear the myth of the half orange, myth with a strong idealized load of ‘love’. Nurse discipline is highly feminized and is around the care "of others" (Celma and Acuña, 2009), previous studies with students of grade in nursing, reflect that love for girls is total delivery predicting the needs "of the another ”to his own, and therefore with an idealized and romantic concept of love.
It can be observed in the speeches of the girls as the boy’s violence behavior is justified for ‘love’, they even blame the girl for ‘not wanting it’. Love, rather, "bad love", acts as a veil that modifies reality and hinders the visibility of behaviors and attitudes of abuse. Girls believe it is possible to be in love with a person who mistreats you. Despite their university status, students present beliefs similar to recent research with adolescent population, which highlight in their results the prevalence and tolerance of control behaviors. The boys believe that girls are ‘more emotional’ and ‘the need to have boyfriend’ and romantic love could paralyze them and enter toxic relationships, which seems to confirm previous research.
There are studies that refer that “this idealized vision of love is strongly related to the sweetest face of sexism towards women that is the benevolent’. A new belief reappears, to a greater extent, in the speeches of the girls of the degree in nursing: self-inculusation for the violence received, which shows a deep internalization of female socialization, coinciding with qualitative studies that analyze guilt in women as Ricardo Rodríguez’s
Boys and girls are directed again and again towards ‘Love’, without making control. The beliefs shown are worrisome, since they are placed in the third step of the pyramid of violence: control expectations, that is, the assumption of behaviors and strategies aimed at controlling women.The girls seem to confirm that assuming this model of ‘bad love’ and myths and beliefs, which derive from it can hinder the reaction of women living in a situation of gender violence (to end up, to denounce, etc.).The naturalization of suffering in love relationships is also observed in previous research, as well as the shortage of resources and tools in women to identify and abandon a relationship of abuse.
It is important to keep in mind, as previous research with students from Spanish universities, that gender violence is a frequent problem in university students. This violence has a close relationship with ‘bad love’. Therefore we share that "the importance that love has in the lives of people in general and in young people in particular, justifies the need to know this phenomenon in greater depth"
Conclusions
The concept of ‘love’, of ‘romantic love’ and its myths have greater gender differences, than of geographical context. Girls are more romantic than boys and their vision of ‘love’ is idealized.
The myth of jealousy is present in boys and girls, but that of the omnipotence of love only appears in their speeches.
The ‘bad love’ acts as a veil that modifies reality and hinders the visibility of behaviors and attitudes of abuse. Girls believe it is possible to be in love with a person who mistreats.
Boys and girls relate control in the couple to distrust, not with violence; They do not consider the behaviors of violence-control as sufficient reason to leave a relationship the boys believe that any boy can exercise “control” in a relationship, and the girls that any girl can enter a relationship of violence-control.
The differences shown between the two groups are only in the girls, arising beliefs such as the myth of the mid -orange or self-inculting before violence received in the nursing students of the University of Seville, and not appearing in those of degree in psychology of the psychology of the psychology of the psychology of the psychology of the Balearic Islands University. It could be explained by being a very feminized group, rather than for the geographical context, although this idea should be deepened.
Qualitative studies can be useful to deepen elements that relate violence and love, and thus improve the formation of future and future nurses and psychologists, key professionals in care, prevention and early detection of gender violence.
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