Helena my sky and my hell
Sometimes we move with great love stories between two women, such as Adele’s movie, that its end tear our hearts, we get excited with the end of Carol and we passionate about a room in Rome in Rome.
But all those that we have suffered by women, we also have great stories that although they do not take to the cinema, they exist and make us or make us know the sky and hell at the same time.
This story that I am going to tell him happened to me although I change the names, especially that of my great love, which Helena called here.
With Helena I met heaven and hell, with Helena I lived in two countries, with Helena risk everything. And it is that Helena divorces for me and I tear myself for her.
This is my story with Helena
Seven years ago, I enter a Yahoo lesbian chat room, which I really had time without frequenting, because years ago, I had suffered a hoax, I met a girl and she fell in love, everything was nice, we talked hours, we changed The world, we were a camera, we called ourselves, but at two years I discovered that I was a ten -year -old son and a husband.
But well I go with my story with Helena, the woman who truly loves and still love. It turns out that in the chat rooms I liked talking about the micro, because I knew the fascinating of my voice, and that night was no exception, greeted in the room, you immediately opened several windows, praising me by praising me by praising me.
In one of those windows was Helena who invited me to talk about the micro. I liked the conversation, Helena’s attention struck me strongly, for her voice, intelligence, education of her and especially for her sincerity.
Helena took me 15 years, she was married, she had a 13 -year -old son and an economically very stable standard of living. She had never been happy in her marriage, her husband several times physically mistreat.
Helena before meeting me had realized that she really loved women, for a relationship with a girl who had online and who later knew personally, but everything ended because she did not dare to leave her husband.
I loved my work as an audiovisual producer, and well my job was my refuge, because I always fought with my internal demons, especially the greatest, sexual violation.
Although I had already been sexually with a woman from my country (Colombia), with whom I had a three -year relationship, I met love and passion with Helena.
When I met Helena I felt happy, listened, loved and understood, especially when she made the decision to divorce and take a plane and reach my country, consider him the bravest and romantic high that ever in this world someone had done for my.
When I met her it was the happiest moment of my life, I felt that she was a blessing of God, in her arms I stopped importing my family conservative style, the rules of society, and I felt free.
We spent a month in Colombia, meeting and kissing every part of our body, we made love anywhere, we laughed for no reason, we promised that passion would be our main commandment and that we would never separate us.
But I was not sure to undertake a new course, that is, to leave my job, my family, which was precisely what Helena asked me. In fact she had never left Colombia.
I was at my best workplace, I worked where I had always dreamed, but reflected: if Helena had left her husband, her son, especially, who imported a job.
In the end she could more her love and took a plane with her for Argentina, where we were foreigners, nobody knew us, no one would judge us ..
In Argentina the problems began soon, we realized that things were missing to tell us. We didn’t get along and we hardly tolerated. The only happy moment was when we were in bed, everything was perfect there.
I did not get a job, or Helena a business, although she had sold a property and bought a small apartment, the situation was difficult. Then we started to distribute the faults, that yes for you I leave my family, that if you leave my work for you ..
And the worst Helena came made the most unfair and painful decision, she left me, I bought a passage from my country and she at theirs.
I felt a great pain in her soul and a great resentment at times against her, she considered her a unfoish, indolent and selfish. Last months without work and without money.
I can be whatever, but I was and I am loyal, although I blamed me for my changes in humor, for those traumas products of sexual abuse since I was a child and let’s say they were already consolidated in my adulthood. And well between my grief and feelings found I understood Helena’s attitude and justified her sometimes.
Helena looked for me again asked me for forgive.
At the time we returned online, and a year later Helena arrived in Colombia, this time to buy an apartment for both of us, but the situation and inflation put our plans after arres.
I want to clarify that I am not interested before leaving Argentina spent all my savings, on hotels and finally in the passages that took us to that country. She always put twice as. But I put everything she had.
I loved Helena, a little less than before, and she was careful, she had a very good position and she was idealistic, she believed in a process. Well in this second attempt we begin to learn more and take better, but always with our differences and discussions.
However, life had another misfortune prepared for us.
Helena became ill and had to operate emergency, she had to return to her country, Ecuador, because there was treatment for her ailment, which soon fortunately, she finished.
In this part of the story I felt guilty for letting her go and not offering her to rent something, I cry a lot, although it was difficult at that time and I felt that Helena would be better in her country.
Three years passed, we continued, sometimes we ended and lasted time without talking, the relationship had already become very stormy, the insults came, the offenses, especially from me.
Helena blamed me for everything, who was now alone and older, I never cared, and I don’t even care about her age, only that her attitudes and offenses were moving away from her.
I also felt that with my problems not overcome she made her very unhappy. She felt that she was wearing her back on my back, that’s why she moved me away from her for times, to look for her happiness. However, fate had a third meeting planned us.
I learned something from this relationship: nobody will solve your problems, love does not free you from them, only we can free ourselves .
In those three years that we went separate, I stop believing in what I thought before, I realized that my great job was my great slavery. Before I took refuge at work, to forget my traumas and problems with Helena, but now I was disappointed in him.
I wondered why Helena left me in Argentina? Why let her go when she came for the second time to me? Why didn’t I risk?, This last question if I answered it, and well I was afraid that outside my land I would do the same.
To despite our differences that were already enough, we met again on the coasts of Colombia.
Helena did not like us to see ourselves in her country, because she is very conservative, and she although she denies it too, many mental and complex taras of her prevented him from completely surrendering. Her family did not know her lesbian condition, especially for her son.
She wanted to spend 50 years of her on Colombian coasts.
I counted the days to see it, I add my vacation, the plane that would take us to that beautiful beach, everything, but I had changed a lot, they already added several frustrations in my credit, work, sentimentals and my usual traumas.
When I saw Helena hugged her, she couldn’t believe it, we were together again, but … in half an hour we had the first problem, as always for not agreeing on something.
We spent beautiful and passionate moments, making love after three years, was to play again the sky, we also walk, we laugh, we tell ourselves so many things ..
However, I was very fast in a bad mood, sometimes unintentionally I ruined things, I had promised to be the most special person for Helena, but her stubbornness, her dominant character and that effort to always carry the opposite, caused negative reactions in me.
Our meeting was over that hard ten days, Helena went to her country. I felt very sad, because it was a trip to plan our future again, but instead there were more fights than beautiful moments, and as always the only happy moment was in bed.
I was not the same as when I went the first time with her, nor the same of three years ago, I must recognize that her bitterness has come in my life, and perhaps that has changed my interior.
I must say that I don’t think anyone does what Helena did for me, nor someone who does what I did for her.
And in our first attempt I love her blindly, she was my world, and in the second I love her with caution and in the third she loves her with bitter sugar.
Another thing, which I learned from this relationship, love is not enough for two people to be together, there are demons that must be overcome like traumas, complexes and lies.
Well after that trip our relationship I did not improve, I apologized to Helena for my attitude, I just wanted to love her, consent and give her completely to her, but our differences won us the battle.
After a while we decided to write to each other, not fight anymore, she just like me, feels a great empty and we missed a lot, but we feel something that we did not feel seven years ago: Peace
In those seven years we met heaven and hell, from honey moons we moved to ice moons.
Love is a step towards pain and pain opens the door to resentment.
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